I’m thinking of thinking of calling her up…
No, not really. I’ve reached a point of mild contentment. When vengeance is the only hope, it’s time to turn the temporary walk away into something decidedly more permanent. While I hope this is the case, while I hope against hope that I can move on without further distraction, I still have the song running through my head.
“I’m thinking of thinking of calling her up. After my afternoon nap.
I’m thinking of thinking of buying her flowers, right after Molly gets back.
So many fishes left in the sea, so many fishes, but no one for me”
G’kar does the best version of this I’ve heard.
Does it means anything more than the fragment of a romantic still left inside me seeking a “will they/won’t they” outcome. Can this piece of me still hope for anything more than some spat out words and maybe an acknowledgement that I was right. She, like many of her kind, has her yes men, many of which seek a way into her pants. Let them try, some will undoubtedly succeed. They will reassure her that she’s doing the right thing, that she is in the right, even when things fall apart. She will always be right, in their eyes, as flattery is the tactic of choice (and why wouldn’t it be? It works!).
I think far too much about this. And while I’m sure this won’t be my last journal entry on this, this one is coming to a close.
